Half-Year in Malaysia: Six Things I Learned About Love and Life

The past six months are probably the most identity-changing phase in my life. I moved to a new country away from my loved ones and away from the culture I am familiar with and then, the only person that was giving me the courage to move forward in my new endeavor decided to abandon me in the worst way possible. My best drinking buddies are miles away, alcohol is expensive and there are no good beaches near Kuala Lumpur.

I have always thought that I knew a lot of things about love and that I am mature enough when it comes to matters of the heart but this past half-year made me realize things that changed my deep-rooted beliefs. 

I perceived myself as strong and independent but as it turns out, it was just a facade. I have been through a lot since I was a kid and I never expected that a broken heart in a foreign country will bring me down, but it did.  One night I found myself wanting to end everything because nothing makes sense anymore and the pain I felt was just too much. 

But here I am, still alive and still able to write this entry in this blog.

Malaysia: A Month in Review

Tomorrow, Malaysia and I will celebrate our monthsary. The past 30 days are brimming with new experiences but just like any other relationship, we've been through a few rough times.

Cebu: The Last Lone Adventure

In a Sukhasana, I face the sunset of Moalboal. Had I done this two years ago, it would have brought me tranquility but I am now a different story.

Baler: A Shift in Hellos and Goodbyes

That feeling when you are on your way to a destination and for some reason your heart is beating faster than usual. You know that it is not because you are traveling alone and it is also not because you have not made any reservation on where you're going to stay. 

It is a feeling that is more on the spectrum of the day before a field trip to a theme park in elementary school.

You can't breathe, you check your sleepless self in the mirror, you check the people around you if they are noticing your anxiety. And suddenly, from a distant, you saw his contagious smile and your heart feel that you are home.

My Favorite Place in South Korea

“Don't you think it's better to be extremely happy for a short while, even if you lose it, than to be just okay for your whole life?”

― Audrey Niffenegger, The Time Traveler's Wife

Aside from Girls Generation, there was nothing about South Korea that I liked. I am not fond of watching Korean dramas and I think Koreans in the Philippines are rude, loud, and annoying. I actually can't remember the reason why I agreed to book a flight to Incheon last June, probably just out of pure fandom of Chyng Reyes. 

Then a month after, a fateful day came and I met the most amazing guy in El Nido who happened to be Korean. I fell in love with him but he eventually broke my heart so it just made things worst between me and the land of BB creams.

Masilungan

Ano pa ba ang silbi ng bawat umaga
Kung sa bawat paggising ay wala ka
Kahit sulyap lang sa iyo ay hindi natatamasa
Siguro ito na nga, tapos na.

Hindi ko na ipipilit kung ito talaga ang nakatakda
Kahit hindi naman talaga ako naniniwala sa tadhana
Kung ito ang makabubuti, hahayaan ko na nga
Na magwakas itong ating pagiibigan na akala nati'y di magsasawa

Pagkat iba na ako, iba ka na, iba na ang tayo
Mga pagkakaibang pareho nating hindi gusto
Marahil hindi natin alam kung paano tayo humantong sa ganito
Ngunit kailangan nating tanggapin ang pareho nating alam, kailangan na nating wakasan ito.      

OMC

Ganito pala yung pakiramdam nun.

WASAK na WASAK

Wasak talaga..

Sa Wakas

 

Tinapos ko na ang walong taon kong relasyon sa aking boyfriend na ngayon ay matatawag ko ng ex. Bakit? Paano? Mahabang kwento. Ang mahalaga, malaya na ako.

 

Sa tingin ko ito na yata ang isa sa pinakamagandang desisyon na nagawa ko sa buhay ko. Sa totoo lang, imbis na bumigat ang pakiramdam ko ay kabaligtaran ang nangyare. Para akong tumae ng madami pagkatapos kong maconstipate ng isang linggo. Ang gaan, ang saya, ang sarap.

Minsan iniisip ko kung pinapaniwala ko lang ang sarili ko na hindi ako nasasaktan, pero hindi e. Hindi talaga. Siguro kung may lungkot man akong nararamdaman, yun ay dahil sinayang ko ang walong taon ng buhay ko sa maling tao.
 

Yun na lang, wala na akong masasabi sa break up na ito. Ayoko siyang isumpa at hilingin sa lahat ng pwersa sa mundo na makapangasawa siya ng panget ngayon.  Baka bukas na.

Madami akong natutunan. Ang pinakamahalagang ay "Dapat ipakilala sa magulang at sa mga kaibigan ang iyong magiging karelasyon. Kasi kung ayaw niya dahil masyado siyang "cool" para makisama at makihalubilo sa mga ibang mahal mo sa buhay, may mali sa kanya."

Happily Ever After

True love is when there is nothing to love in a person but you still do.

This movie's main character is a poor girl named Yukie, who is looking for happiness that life deprived of her since she was a kid. The story is about true friendship, enduring love, and forgiving family. No special effects except for the slow motion table tipping scenes by Yukie's darling, Isao. 

This is the best movie I've seen since Homerun by Jack Neo. I was crying all through out the movie because I could very well relate to it. A poor girl who was abandoned by her mother, left to an irresponsible father, in a relationship with an unemployed guy and is searching for happiness. That sounds like the story of my life. 

If you are a Twilight fan and a Hollywood chick flick fanatic, this would not be a good movie for you. The kind of relationship that Yukie and Isao have is the type that not many people understand unless they go through it. This is not the candy coated prince charming damsel in distress type, I could very well attest that this love story happens in real life. An imperfect love between two imperfect people.

I would like my single hopeless romantic friends (which is about 90% of them) to watch this movie and see what I am telling them for so long. That love is not like those Disney princess fairy tales, it would most often than not hurt you and give you something to complain about. But that is what makes love so great, you stay no matter what because you see what other people do not see.

And before I forget, the main plot of this story (as title implies) is really about Happiness. As how I interpret the ending, it shows that we do not have to look far to be happy, we just have to look around and realize that we are loved. That our happiness should not depend on the presence or absence of something. Happiness has always been given to us, we just could not see it because we are grasping it too tightly in our hands.

Lastly, Yukie learned that the meaning of her name is "happiness will be yours forever" and she lived happily ever after.

Indak

Nitong mga nakakaraang araw ay sinusubukan kong bumuo ng maikling kwento tungkol sa aking buhay pag-ibig pero di ako makasulat ng maigi. Naumpisahan ko na pero hindi ako makahanap ng katapusan, siguro dahil na rin sa kawalan ng inspirasyon. 

Tapos ngayong araw ay ginoogle ko ang mga kanta ng Up Dharma Down dahil papanuorin namin sila sa 19 East bukas at natagpuan ko nga itong kantang ito. Indak ng bandang Up Dharma Down. Isang bagay lang ang naisip ko nung narinig ko ang kabuuan ng kantang ito, SAKTO.

Para sa mga taong magkatunggali ang puso at isipan.

Indak 

Up Dharma Down

Tatakbo at gagalaw
Mag-iisip kung dapat bang bumitaw
Kulang na lang, atakihin
Ang pag-hinga'y nabibitin

Ang dahilang alam mo na
Kahit ano pang sabihin nila
Tayong dalawa lamang ang makakaalam
Ngunit ako ngayo'y naguguluhan

Makikinig ba ako
Sa aking isip na dati pa namang magulo?
O iindak na lamang
Sa tibok ng puso mo

At aasahan ko na lamang na
Hindi mo aapakan ang aking mga paa
Pipikit na lamang at mag-sasayaw
Habang nanonood siya...

Paalis at pabalik
May baong yakap at suklian ng halik
Mag-papaalam at mag-sisisi
Habang papiglas ka ako sayo ay tatabi

Tayong dalawa lamang ang nakaka-alam
Ngunit hindi na matanto kung sino nga ba ang pag-bibigyan ko
Makikinig nga ba sa isipan na alam ang wasto

Ngunit pipigilan ang pag-ibig nya na totoo

Iindak na lamang ba sa tibok ng puso mo
At aasahan ko hindi nya lamang aapakan ang aking mga paa
Pipikit na lamang at mag-sasaya
Habang nalulungkot ka
Pipikit na lamang at mag-sasaya
Habang nalulungkot ka

Ako'y Litong-lito
Tulungan niyo ako
Di ko na alam
Kung sino pang aking pagbibigyan oh

Ayoko na ng ganito
Ako ay litong-lito